Is This Life? Poem by Jason Danner

IS THIS LIFE?
These thoughts are dark and twisted
Strange and different
Something's missing
My brain is missing
Something in my brain is missing
Or could their be something extra
That's making me manic
But also causing panic
This life isn't how I planned it
Somedays I can't stand it
The pain
The rage
The feeling I'm insane
Or deranged
Stuck in a cage
Stuck in a maze
And I'm lost in this shit
Like nothing is how I'm feeling
Feeling nothing
Because we take pills to stop em
Or smoking to stop it
Cus I'm tired of the voice in my head talking
Telling me to quit,
You ain't shit,
28 and you ain't got nothing to show for it
Take your life
off it
Peace is in a coffin
And all of a sudden you have no problems.
But problems demand answers
So to that voice, I'm not answering!
I'm not talking back
Even if these thoughts are midnight black
And I succumb to a panic attack
For those of you who don't know,
That's Where You feel like Your dying
Sitting on a toliet crying
Heart racing and blood pulsing
Stomach is nauseous
Your sweating and convulsing
Wondering where life ends
And death crosses
Am I at the crossing?
Straddling the border?
Two steps back
Or two steps in?
This life is a game,
And I just can't seem to win
But I keep playing for my family, friends and
My next akin,
The stranger I just befriended.
So the assumption is
I'm happy
But that's presumptuous
I'm just friendly.
Dealing with so much anxiety,
How do you people not see these problems?
Do I hide them that well,
That none of you can tell?
a turtle,
This is my shell.
And I'm just hiding inside of it.
Keepin my secrets private,
Will I ever feel alive again?
Maybe try suicide again,
Because of how my brain is wired in
Consistent thoughts are so tiring,
Brain in overdrive,
But the pistons ain't firing.
The gears are slipping,
The alternators not turning,
So I'm stuck in park,
Not moving and stagnant.