Is Anybody There Poem by Nicola Kelly

Is anybody there

Did you hear what I said,
Sorry I am listening to you,
What was it then just say,
Being honest I haven't a clue.

Taking part in daily chit chat,
Joining the gossip half way through,
With my input totally off topic,
Just something I seem to do.

Earth to Nicky I've heard said,
I switch off in the day,
In my head stresses fly around,
Easier than finding words to say.

A coping mechanism I've learned,
To the detriment of my personality,
Living with a movement disorder,
Creating a sense of my own reality.

It makes my body parts shake,
In my hands a constant tremor,
Second guessing what they'll do,
Frustration constant losing my temper.

I used to think about every move,
Of my hands in every way,
Worried of what people would think,
Could not face what to say.

Learned to live with my Essential Tremor,
Was my excuse as relationships failed,
My excuse for not having kids,
Ruled my life as I bailed.

Wish I could turn back the clock,
To the day it did begin,
Having a different outlook to tremor,
It isn't the be all to everything.

Unconsciously through fear I sealed,
Parts of my life and their fate,
No more as life really is too,
Short to sit around and wait.