In My Case Poem by Kondwelani Tembo Nguluwe

Voice...

I have heard it, telling me
The one you follow is the prince of darkness
'Cause today you curse, tomorrow you praise
And your voice you raise and say

God is great, Lesa wachikuku
God has grace -
Well, it is true that God has grace
But my mess? It gets worse
Just right after I curse
the next moment I'm asking him to bless me

Telling Him to forgive me
To never let me
Stray and stay with me
In me, by me;
Amen?

I see its end
My life has been straightened
And I am anointed
But the voice said

You left your Bible gathering dust
Letting your spiritual mentor to rust
Your mind is filled with lust
Slowly turning it to mush

I know -
I know that my life has a lot of rust
But leaving my Bible gathering dust?
Past, left my Bible gathering dust?
Let's rush Christ!

Believe me you that is an understatement
'Cause I got from my Bible pieces of paper; pages
And got dried, intoxicating herbs
Rolled up in the books of Jude and James

At once and they are lit!
The rest? I can give you a clue
And you can work it yourself through...

There was an issue of no tissue
Then we had to figure out what to do
And the Bible-be-gone ensued
Hexes brewed

Then intrude on privacy, don't mean to be rude
But that's what was going up in mind of this dude
And that ain't good
That ain't at all good

'Cause He gave me His word
And I bent it - burnt it
Restructured it, to my fit

Now it is no longer bound together, not a bit
Of it of which I have not read most
Not the dust with all the rust
But ashes to ashes past
And in God of might I still dare say I trust.

Then I spit in His love me
Turn back to sin to which I don't leave
But cling and claim to believe
In His - God's power

Yet in the hour of temptation I don't run
To He, but walk away slowly
Hoping I won't seem bound as one with sin
And I have just crucified Him

Put Him down
And then cruelly crucifying Him all over again
I am a dog being pushed away
from poisoned food
But persistently return to have a bite

'Cause the food
Smells good in my mood
I am making the same mistakes over and over again
I am making the same mistakes over and over -

I can't reach back to His arms outstretched
Like a welcome back hug, on high stakes
To me it's not easy the easy it takes
To get myself into His embrace

That He is calling me to
I can't get myself into what He is calling me to
I can't get myself into what He is calling me to...