If You Only Knew Poem by Elizabeth Fowler

If you only knew,
How much I’m scared,
Scared to let you in,
I’m scared because,
I don’t know,
I don’t know how,
I’ve been locked away,
Inside my own thoughts,
Hoping nothing would change,
As I pushed people away;
I try so hard,
To not push you away,
I don’t want to…
I don’t want to screw this up,
Knowing I probably will,
I wish that you could see,
See how hard this has been for me,
I wish that even though I may try to,
Try to push you away,
You will not let me,
I wish you will stay,
I wish I could,
I wish I could let you in,
And I will do my best,
But over all I will,
I will not keep you here,
It’s your choice,
Not mine,
No matter how much,
How much I don’t want to push you away,
It seems it may still happen,
I just wish you could see past,
See past this guard,
I’m scared to let you in,
To let you in because,
Because I don’t want to lose you,
But I also don’t want to hurt,
Knowing that losing you may,
Losing you may hurt,
But in my heart I will know,
Know that it was my fault,
Not yours…