If Only I Could, I Truly Would Poem by Ali Rahimi

If I only could, I truly would,
I probably would,
Maybe I couldn’t,
I could be mistaken,
I could be on the path to truth,
This is all illusion,
Mirage, whim,
The whim to be, the desire to soldier on, The pulse to go on, I may be confused,
I may be aimless, disconnected, caught in the devils of doubts and questions,
You could be the remedy, the panacea, the cure all,
The healing breath, the enlivening breeze,
In the dry land of my life,
The light in the darkness of my memory,
The glimmering of hope in the wasteland of my dreams,
Yes, a shimmering, weak candle in the typhoon of my lost desires,
And time dies out, it could, or it couldn't,
This doubt is eating away my weary spirit,
The mind likes, the body is just too weak to follow,
The flesh falls behind and can’t cope,
Yes, the flesh is too frail to follow the heart,
Weak, too weak,
The soul is eager, the heart is willing,
The feet lag behind,
Dragging into a sudden break, a fatal halt,
If I only could, I truly would,
Submit to the weakening moments of age and time,
Give up to the clasp of fact and realities,
Get drowned in the tumultuous sea of nothingness and fate,
Fall on the knees in the face of destiny,
Yes, no way out, no exit, only walls and ceilings,
Locks, chains, handcuffs, shackles, blinders, blinkers,
Of age, time, corrosion, erosion, and final collapse,
Yes, collapse, collapse, collapse,
Fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, fall,
Hey you, a drowning man grasps everything, everybody to save his life,
A dying man, a terminally ill man grabs the doctor, grabs you,
But beware, no exit, no exit, no exit, no exit,
This is hotel ruin, hotel fact, hotel decadence, hotel deadened,
You check in fresh, young and strong,
You check out old, weak and broken,
You may check out but you can’t get out! you can’t flee,
No exit!
Life is a cult,
This is the cult of collective suicide,
You join this cult called ‘’life’’ not of your own choice,
No choice, no option, no alternative,
Keep away, this is mass hysteria, mass craze,
Mass insanity,
This is a nil-nil game, no winner, darling,
But I have my own agenda,
Am not a dog in the manger, I stay away from you,
Am not ruining you, no, no, carry on, darling,
The plague is me, the cholera is me, the leprosy is me,
I keep away, I stay away,
You are just too precious to be possessed,
Too valuable to be touched by wrinkled hands of fatigue,
Stinky old breath of deathly soil,
The rotten saliva of a failed organ,
The repugnant odor can’t be blended with your divine aroma,
Birds of a feather flock together,
I can’t be a thorn in your side,
Rush towards your brilliant, glorious future, honey,
My end has come, my days are numbered, I am a lame dock,
Waiting for my swan song,
Farewell song of a real, honest, loyal man, left in the lurch, high and dry,
Friends, glib talkers vanish in hard times,
I am as sick as a sad parrot.
We live to learn, we live to learn,
If I only could, I truly would …