I've Heard It All Before Poem by Kelvin Rush

I know all about your septic foot
Your daughter's wedding your cookery book
Your controlling wife and her seventies look
Your football team and all of their bad luck

I know all about your hairy back
Your grandma's will her heart attack
Your sister Jill and her Siamese cat
Your nosy neighbour and Pat the Rat

I know all about your teenage days
The drugs and booze the games you played
The slags and slappers the waifs and strays
The cool mad hatters all the girls you laid

I know all about your dodgy knee
Your friends in high places your OBE
Your panic attacks your leather settee
The way you relax and your business degree

I know all about the poems you write
Why they don't make sense your jealousy and spite
The way your mother calls you each night
Your alcoholic brother your wedding invite

I know all about Mrs Walker's advance
What you would do given half the chance
Your three failed marriages your lack of romance
The day out at Claridge's and how you can't dance

I know all about your sordid affairs
Your animal instincts your receding hair
Your political views how you hate Tony Blair
How you love to make porridge why life is so unfair

I know all about your previous jobs
How you're over skilled the teenage yobs
The spiders you've killed the garden frogs
Why you're unfulfilled the barking dogs

I know all about your two crowned teeth
Your weekly shop your best mate Keith
Your stocks and shares the estate you bequeath
How the anger and pain is bubbling underneath

I know all about your funeral plans
Your mystical insights your arthritic hands
Your bed wetting sessions your hospital scans
Your pathetic impressions your summer at Grans

Unfortunately Jim I've had enough
I'm no longer interested in your stuff
It's time to stop I can take no more
For the final time I've heard it all before!