I no longer belong but control the trembling Poem by Hugues C. Pernath

I no longer belong but control the trembling
Ablaze and senile, sleepless in the past
In the things that have happened, the things
Of the days, I conjugate the pledges of pain
And light-shy, purged, I believe in the speaking
In the silence that lasts after death.
This was the same breaking that brought us together,
The same suppression, the same gesture.
This was the scorching, the washing of the wound.

In my memory eyes share my secrets
And tears the ruins that stickily smoulder.
My power gave in to powers, my longing
While I patiently bled and bandaged.
Loving became preservation, the moving of words
That secretly broke us and reduced us
To shadows. And far from me people dispersed.

The vague outlines of the many friends fade
And each gesture became irretrievable
The echo of the dreaming and forgoing.
Resigned to the gift I crawled, fell and wept.
My oppression subsided, the days go on fruiting
And I presupposed fear, the very last time
That I undergo, that I survive. Nowhere
Was a stone to be seen, the features of no other.
So I stay alive, but all life's been exploited.

Translation: Paul Vincent