I Need You Poem by connie crane

I need you, do I dare let myself feel how much?
Do you want me to?
Do you want to know what is inside of me?
Buried so deeply that even I do not feel it because I choose to be strong?
I admire my strength and so do you.
Do you understand the price I pay to be this strong?
Do I?
Strong enough for both of us to look at me and say, “well done! ”
Do you want to know what is inside of me?
What is buried so deeply….?
Do I?
The part of me that is not allowed to interfere with my strength.
The part of me that I am afraid to feel, much less show, to someone who matters as much as you do.
I am guarded against such weakness.
Hidden behind my wall of strength is so much need I am afraid to feel it.
You might run away if you saw it.
Perhaps you should.
If I do not feel safe enough to let my guard down, you might not be safe either.
And so my love for you becomes my reason for my prison.
I tell myself that loving you means keeping all of this suppressed.
Yet here I am hurting so badly that I cannot feel my love for you.
Stuck within these prison walls, protected from the truth.
Contracted around the fear of a need too big to ever let loose.
It feels so good when I let you touch me in that place of vulnerability.
So I keep coming close to you, while keeping you away from me.
The pain of letting you see me is as great as the pain of keeping myself hidden.
So here I stand naked and afraid alone within my prison,
Because I do not have the courage to be weak.