I'M Sorry I'M Not Who You Want Me To Be Poem by Emily Reid

Tonight I wish the tears would fall down
But it seems nowadays they seldom do
Only imagining the possible escape
They could provide me with, it's true

I am so tired of being strong and resilient
But by now this front seems so real
I have even fooled myself to believe
That no longer do I need to actually feel

But something, anything would be nice
Tell me that this self-destruction will end
I'm killing the best parts of me now
Because the fake me is easier to defend

No one questions the sparkle of my smile
Or guesses the gleam in my eye to be tears
Because how could this wide-eyed girl
Ever be what she doesn't appear

So go ahead and paint me a shade of perfect,
If believing this lie satisfies your desires.
It's not me who has to take the fall of reality
When it's label of pretend finally expires.

Broken hearts and bitter circumstances
Have knocked me off my stool of overrated dreams
And I still think a fairytale can exist
Even though half of life isn't what it seems

Do you know why cloud nine is so high?
It's so that dreamers and romantics fall hard
Down onto the concrete realities of life
Leaving us reminders, all these little scars

So that the next time we get to thinking
Things could turn out like we hope and plan
We look at our scratches and remember
Most likely they won't, though there's a chance they can.

And here I am finishing my sentences with hope
Still searching for that one ray of sunlight.
Maybe half my smile is actually real
Because I'm praying that I'll be all right.