I Lovingly Hate This Place Poem by Rachel Aurelien

I hate this place
Buried under a mess of filth, bundled in secrecy
Misery and love they defect me unequally
My kindness dies every time I awake
So I try not to sleep unconsciously
because my lullabies are fake
I thought I heard whispers and rolled bowling balls
It's just the breath of inhaled mold from my walls
The mirror of my inner beauty doesn't show
My intelligence is bouncing off the walls
because they have nowhere to go
The simplest knowledge leaves blurred fingerprints
and the unremembered dreams are repeating
unreadable hints
A fluttering of my heart is highly beating in my throat
And my soul is nudging me to read
the hidden spiritual notes
My food leaks poison, but I temporally don't really care
And I find it funny to look at an unemotional stare
The pleasure is all mines, but it's all a joke
My smiles are happy, but inside I choke
My neighbour is left banging on their ceiling
I'm too busy to hear and I know it isn't Appling
The noise in my heart can hardly follow through
The voice in my head says what do they really see in you?
My shoulder shrugs nervously, not by choice
Wishing I had a third single only voice