I Hate Green Peas Poem by Cheryl Jacob

I hate green peas.
My mama says they’re healthy.
That I’m to finish each and every pellet.
I’m to lick me plate clean.
‘Eat ‘em, girlie, ’ she says, ‘dandy good veggies are they.’
‘They make you healthy and strong.’
‘Em being full of minerals and vitamins.’
‘Eat ‘em, eat ‘em good.’

Little she knows that peas
Are evil warlords in disguise as green harmless looking peas.
Lined up in a pod, each round is one blood sucking,
Gut eating EVIL warlord.
He knows that alone he cannot stand to succeed,
So lined up in a pod, they come to lay siege.
Cowards that they are, they find courage in numbers.

How do I tell me mama,
That her healthy green peas have an agenda.
True to their evil nature,
Their sole purpose is to drive a knife
Between her wee babe and her.
She say “eat ‘em girlie, eat ‘em good.”
But I know their true nature,
Defend myself from them I will.
“I won’t eat ‘em, I won’t, ” I tell her.
My mama who gives me kisses, frowns down on me.
Ha, her love I tell her is lost with her beloved green peas.

Those Janus-faced evil warlord peas
Open their cunning mouth in a sinister grin
When they look at my puckered face,
They laugh their heinous triumph
When they see two loved ones
Up in their arms over a trivial drivel.

‘Eat ‘em, girlie, ’ she says, ‘dandy good veggies are they.’
‘They make you healthy and strong.’
‘Em being full of minerals and vitamins.’
‘Eat ‘em, eat ‘em good.’
How do I tell me mama
About the vile that lives in a harmless looking pod.
I cringe with horror when I remember that
She made me dress up as one of her beloved
Pods last Halloween.

How do I tell me beloved but unworldly mama that her “dandy good veggies”
Are not harmless but cunning warlords.
How do I tell me mama, who cannot spot a fruit from a veggie,
Of the sinister beings that live inside the green cape.
I hate green peas, I tell her.
“I hate ‘em, I hate ‘em, and I won’t eat ‘em, ” I yell at her.
Sniffing, weeping, she makes me go to bed,
Without a tender kiss for her wee babe.
Boiled and tarred, the warlords cheer rolling on the plate
…Yet another victory notch for ‘em…driving a knife
Between a wee babe and her mother.
I hate green peas.


January 16,2011