I Don'T Think I Will Ever Learn To Be Humble Poem by Shalom Freedman

I don't think I will ever learn to be humble-
After so many years of rejection,
After so many failed efforts at publication,
After so much self- publication,
And in its wake
So little enthusiasm for my work,
After so much pushing of myself
And so little response to that pushing
After so much trying again and again
Over nearly fifty years,
I still write and attempt to push myself forward,
As if there still will come a vindication
A revelation and total transformation
In the way my work is seen-
It appears I will die then as a wannabe,
Still pushing still dreaming still believing
I should be what clearly I am not-
I will never learn to be humble-
I will carry to the grave
My own exaggerated idea of the worth
Of my work and the value of myself.
I will go down to the grave
The fool of my own dream
A lifelong failure.