How Long To Sky Blue? Rayletha Poem by Lonnie Hicks

'How many days to sky blue
how deep is down under,
I wonder' she said
'What is up
because I have only seen different shades of misery.
When you call me I answer to 'never me'
because it is never me.
Never chosen, never loved, never given nothing.

Fat, female, black, no schooling, betrayed, lonely
every day in person and on the television
I am told I am the least of the least,
stereotyped, misused on sight and despised.

In me resides all the things they hate about themselves
on their inside
they is terrorized that if they don't eat their peas they will end up like me
and I say what is so wrong with me?

I am a human being
I am sky blue on the inside
and no one knew or knows
how my day is going;
no one cares
sometimes not even me.

Most years I even get no census mail
cause no need to count me.

Love to me is mostly in a dime store novel.
I am most comfortable with hateful people
because they act out what I feel inside.
Don't come trying to comfort me and tell me things
will be swell.
Things ain't never gonna be swell for me.
Never me.
I climb from my bed each day
knowing that nothing will never change.
I will not get no love letters today
no new car, no new dress,
no smiles from strangers,
no pats on the back
and no real job
no tiny piece even of hope
gonna come and sit beside me
even for just a little while.

How long to blue sky for me?
No telling.

I may be nothing here,
and I may be last here
but I will be first in the hereafter,
that is what Jesus said.
'The last shall be first
and that is me.'

That's what he said.
and I believe
he gonna
bring me
my sky blue
and I,
I won't be blue
no more.