How Can I Leave Poem by ellery lim

In the silence of the night.
all i see are stars so bright
in the rivers serenity i see myself
my reflections dawned in the nights moonlight

Alone i stand with nothing but sand around me
crying for the sadness that lingers in three:
i dont want to life
i've no one to love
i cannot just die

The world is like a puppeteer, controlling me
every twist and every pull determines my destiny
why then do i live if i cant decide
dont it seem strange i still reside?
and although my body should just lay and rot
but i cant die for i live with a family of
12
9 and
3
how then can i leave