Highway Maintenance Poem by Tom Billsborough
Highway Maintenance
HIGHWAY MAINTENANCE
PREAMBLE
I was stuck in a traffic jam behind that traditional Summer occasion called "ROAD WORKS". I was behind a big van
Called "Highway Maintenance". My mind switched into idle mode
And inevitably silly mode followed. I considered the words..
Highway Maintenance.. Result of a Divorce? Well, roads split up.
Left, right straight ahead... into cul de Sacs.. Bit like marriages!
Then I thought about roads and made these jottings in my mind
MINOR ROADS kids' stuff
MAJOR ROADS For Military personnel only
TRUNK ROADS Beware of Elephants bearing uprooted
Trees (er Sorry.. Virgil)
BY ROADS Must be joking. Far too expensive
CIRCULAR ROAD Delivers leaflets you never read.
CROSS ROADS Be polite. A mad road is a bad, bad road.
ARTERIAL ROAD Listen for heart beat
RHODES ROAD only for Oxford Scholars.
HIGH & LOW I'll be in Scotland afore ye.
IN ROADS The smart place to be.
COUNTRY ROADS These follow ancient tracks made by
Seriously inebriated sheep on their way
Home from the pub.
ROAD WORKS This is where you drive up in your new
Stretch limo and the guy holding up the
"GO" sign thinks.. "Ah, we have a right
Smart ass here.." and promptly whizzes the
Sign round to "STOP" before you can get
Through. You look ahead and the drama
Unfolds. Chap in Orange safety jacket is
Leaning on his spade, peering intently at
A small hole. Just to his right a large
Committee has formed and a great
Discussion ensues. Have they discovered
Another astonishing archaeological find,
Like another King's body turning up.
Or possibly their next tea-break?
Doesn't matter. You sit there fuming.
Realising "Road Works" is meant to be
Ironic.
Very thought provoking and amazing sharing this poem is.....10
thank you, Kumarmani, I'll get back to you tomorrow. Bed time! ] Tom
It's a worldwide conspiracy, Tom. They travel from country to country to disrupt life and business- I know this because I recognized that uncouth orange-vested highwayman who gave you the Stop sign. He did the same thing to me three weeks ago. It's an international conspiracy against travel. I love your sense of humor, Tom, but could you please post a warning sign about sipping drinks being inadvisable while perusing your poem- - -I got drenched while presented with the definitions of Circular Roads, Cross Roads, and Country Roads. The dry cleaning bill should be arriving shortly. A resounding 10 accompanied by laughter, guffaws, and giggles
Will sort out bill! Sorry, my reply seems to have vanished. Maybe PH have shares in this International Gang. Maybe my suggestion about JAM SPOTTING has prompted a new attacking option on behalf of the authorities. This involved encouraging train spotters to stop cluttering up railway stations, join handy queues. Jump out of their cars and wander up and down jams ticking off car types thus improving their health. They could offer nectar points or Jam miles and a handy booklet covering handy points for parking in Jams. We understand that the M25 Circular round London is regarded as our country's largest car park, Living in the rural parts of the North West, we suffer less than most. But we do enjoy bouncing around from Winter Pot Hole to winter pot hole if we venture out from our mild coastal enclaves. Tom
Naturally I'll settle that bill. I hadn't realised that the International gang of Road Workers had struck the States. I think we get off lighly, it being mainly rural but the London circular M25 has been described as the largest car park in the country. It's the superb timing that staggers me and the time taken to make fairly simple repairs. Perhaps they could fund enough shovel to keep at least one man in five active and perhaps cut down the committees to say eight or nine. Okay, I'm a spoilsport. Maybe instead we could issue JAM-SPOTTING booklets to keep trainspotters from cluttering up ratlway station platforms. Going along queues ticking off jammed cars, would encourage us to get out in the fresh air and improve fitness. OOPS.. better scrub that. The authorities might start awarding nectar points for this! ! tOm
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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5/7/2024 8:21:07 AM # 1.0.0.1119
did you want roads in this line? don't need it of course. nice tune! HIGH & LOW I'll be in Scotland afore ye. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - COUNTRY ROADS really hit the spot. maybe sheep take the path of least resistance, as i believe rivers do, so why shouldn't roads? ? i believe we followed in the ancient pathways of Scotland earlier this year. REALLY! good thing i wasn't driving. some were HIGH and some were LOW! and promptly whizzes the Sign round to STOP, , , , this gave me a GOOD laugh. another good one: a large Committee has formed and a great Discussion ensues....... ..............................a small laugh over this! ! ! small but hearty. and these are also to be found around construction sites of various sorts. Realising Road Works is meant to be Ironic.......................... a bit larger laugh this time. my body might have even shaken a bit. or was it another California earthquake? at least i'm not drinking while reading like another reader CLAIMS she was. well, ONE GOOD thing which came of the road stop was this incredibly creative and well-told poem. why, if it were any better, i might think I WROTE IT! ! to MyPoemList. bri :) thanks for entertaining.
Thanks Bri. I think you'd have made a better job of it.. I think I once counted one man with a shovel and a group of five nearby. Bit like those five police cars that surround a minor accident. Some people know how to skive! !