Her Choice, Her Punishment Poem by Elsa Bear

a product of misery
she barely survived her childhood.
living on the verge of a breakdown
it takes all her energy not to cry everyday.
2am christmas morning she allows herself to cry gently.
2pm shes all on her own.
HER choice
HER heartbreak
HER private pain
HER private punishment.
she doesn't deserve happiness,
or completeness, or contentment.
self destructive, cynical, lonely, bitter.
they describe her perfectly.
guilty.
it eats her up inside.
she's let so many people down
her pride gets in the way
her stubborness blinds her.
she's lost in the dark and can't find the light
she's falling through the dark and can't slow down.

a mother she wants to know and love
but doesn't know how.
a father she loves and protects
but can't see the flaws.
a brother she barely knows
who doesn't have the time for her.
a boyfriend she doesn't deserve
but can't let him in.
friends she can't care about
until she cares about herself.
two homes she can't call home
until she decides where she lives.
a family she's destroyed
by telling the truth.
a life she can't live
because she'd be living a lie.