Treasure Island

Spike Milligan

(16 April 1918 – 27 February 2002 / Ahmednagar)

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Have A Nice Day


'Help, help, ' said a man. 'I'm drowning.'
'Hang on, ' said a man from the shore.
'Help, help, ' said the man. 'I'm not clowning.'
'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning,
You, see I've got a disease.
I'm waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.
So do be patient please.'
'How long, ' said the man who was drowning. 'Will it take for the Doc to arrive? '
'Not very long, ' said the man with the disease. 'Till then try staying alive.'
'Very well, ' said the man who was drowning. 'I'll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning
And other things he wrote.'
'Help, help, ' said the man with the disease, 'I suddenly feel quite ill.'
'Keep calm.' said the man who was drowning, ' Breathe deeply and lie quite still.'
'Oh dear, ' said the man with the awful disease. 'I think I'm going to die.'
'Farewell, ' said the man who was drowning.
Said the man with the disease, 'goodbye.'
So the man who was drowning, drownded
And the man with the disease past away.
But apart from that,
And a fire in my flat,
It's been a very nice day.

Submitted: Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Edited: Thursday, October 27, 2011

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  • * Sunprincess * (6/18/2014 4:37:00 PM)

    ..........a powerful message delivered in a humorous way....help others in order to ensure there will be someone to help you....hope you were able to extinguish the fire....loved reading every line....adding to my poem collection.... (Report) Reply

  • Mark Dillon (9/23/2012 9:01:00 AM)

    the genius of Spike, this is so well written and funny even in resulting deaths, a pun at how rediculous life can be at times (Report) Reply

  • Michelle Freeman (11/6/2011 8:53:00 PM)

    no kidding, sarcasm not withstanding. this is good, this is soooo good. sick and twisted but good. (Report) Reply

  • Leslee Malloy (9/30/2007 2:08:00 PM)

    I first heard this poem on Radio 4 'Pick of the week' about 3 years ago or so and it was read by Eddie Izzard. Who I might add read it so well and I think this was why it left such an impression on me, just a great poem.
    I just love Spike's humour he was such a talented man, some of his poems make you laugh, others make you cry and some just 'pure zany' a real pleasure. (Report) Reply

  • Martin Shore (2/20/2006 2:30:00 AM)

    I agree with you, Beca, Spike Milligan is a master in comedy, I read his poems and listen to his bbc tapes.Spike Milligan should not have died last year, after all, he was only 85! (Report) Reply

  • Beca Davey (1/3/2006 2:46:00 PM)

    Spike Milligan is the master of comedy, in my eyes. His poems reflect that just as well as his comedy does. (Report) Reply

  • MJ Roxy (9/14/2005 12:13:00 AM)

    i find this poem halerious! (i didn't spell that right) . i recommend this peom to everyone who enjoys a good laugh! (Report) Reply

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