Happiness, Love, And Doubt Poem by Dani Miller

Did you see that? Oh please tell me you saw it
So I won't think I'm going completely insane.
I swear it was there, yet you say it wasn't.
Well I guess you just dont have the faith
To at least try and search for it.
And here I am, holding your hand,
Trying to get you to remember the spark.
Oh that spark was so beautiful,
I wish I hadn't blinked my eyes.
If I hadn't perhaps it would still be there,
Ablaze with yellow and blue.
But now it as if it never existed,
Maybe it wasn't there at all and I'm in another fantasy.
Perhaps it is hiding behind that cloud of doubt
That is suffocating me and won't let me go.

I almost feel a sense of peace as this cloud
Devours me and knocks me into blackness.
I guess that is because it was around me
For so long it was like home.
Then I met you and it vanished.
But now it is back and I cannot breath if I wanted.
Still, I am pushing through this cloud
Trying desperately to get to the wonder beyond it.
But what is beyond it? I do not know.
Although it has to be better than this right now.
What? Oh no...where are you? You let go of my hand,
Or did I let go of you? This cloud is to thick
For me to see anyway, so I can only hope when I
Emerge from whatever state I may be in,
You are on the other side.

Feeling your embrace once again around me,
Has made me feel better now that you are here.
'I am still here, do not worry.'
Oh no I dont think so, this is not you're voice.
I dont know who this is, but you are still
Deep in the suffocating blackness.
Are you calling my name? Are you trying to run?
Okay, I have decided to follow whoever...
or whatever...is leading me.
Maybe they...or it...cares and wants us
To re-unite. That would be great and I would
Owe them so much. But it is quiet for the rest
Of the journey.

We go through more blackness, this trip is
Taking so long. But I must have patience,
Which is actually a hard trait for me.
Okay you had to see it that time!
It is clear as day, and it is still there!
Yellow....and Blue...its there.
And it engulfs me, and surrounds me in joy.
I made it...I actually made it out.
I look behind me but you are not in sight.
We'll be okay. We will be okay.
I am okay, and I know you are still struggling,
But I know you will overcome it.

Love will find a way around all blackness,
And will lead you into brightness.
I am thankful that love found me, and led me
Out of the cloud. Now it is coming back for you.
So I will sit here, and I will wait, until
That glorious day when you emerge from the cloud,
And you either embrace me...or you walk the other way.

Now I am in what I saw. I saw happiness.
But you didn't see it that first time.
Though I gave it another chance...I hope
You did too. I am in Happiness, and Love
Rescued me from Doubt. I hope you have the
Faith to believe it will find you also.
So I am sitting here writing this,
Every now and then looking at the Exit
from the Cloud of Doubt.

Written October 18th,2007