Gunner Harris Poem by stephen stirk

Happy mother’s day mother!
There are chocolates for you on the shelf
And unlike my uncaring brother
I won’t eat your choccies myself

I was gunner buy tickets to Paris
But the tour office said I was short
They said bugger off now young Harris
Too young to buy things of this sort

I was gunner get up extra early
To give you your brecky in bed
But I had a late night with Liz Hurley
Or at least with her pictures instead

I was gunner go out and buy roses
And really surprise you this once
But what if me mates all supposes
That I aint nothing more than a ponce

I was gunner take you to a movie
With a seat at the front and popcorn
But I don’t think you’d find it that groovy
The films that I watch are all porn

I was gunner take you out to dinner
A rich lavish banquet – my treat
But it wouldn’t impress Michael Winner
The chip shop not far from our street

But I’m still really gunner impress yer
Providing there isn’t a theft
There’s the choccies I put on your dresser
If you lucky, I think there’s one left