Grief And Realization Of A Bereaved Mother Poem by Soibon Sanchez

I was 24 years old I had a wonderful Family. I had a Husband that loved me no matter what, three gorgeous daughters, and two steal your heart type of boys. Why was I so angry? I felt trapped, selfish, lost and alone!

Thoughts and feelings of a young wife and Mother with a lot on her mind!

But wait my son is gone where did he go? God did you take him because of me? Was it my attitudes that cause him to go? I want my Son; he was my last, he was so young! Why did you have to teach me this lesson with my son? Please bring him back I feel so lost! I will make it better.
I changed my attitude, I love my life. I am not trapped! I will give to those in need! I will help the entire child I come into contact with to succeed in life! I will devote myself to my Family. I will not ask for selfish things! Can I have my son? Will you give him back? Can I change this punishment? What should I do?

These are the cries of a grieving Mother who lost her 6 month old son. The child died while asleep; “asphyxiation due to compression of nose and mouth”; the medical examiner said.

Should I try to have another child? Wait I got my tubes cut, burned and tied. I have to pay $5,000 to get a reversal! I have no job, my husband is out of work, and we are broke? My Father will get the money, but is it worth the risk? I will only be at a 70% chance of getting pregnant after the surgery! What if I loss the child I might finally conceive? What pain will I feel; will it be as hard as it is right now? What if I adopt? Will my Husband love an adopted child like he loves his own? What if I get a surrogate? How much will that be? Wait I want to carry my child for those ten months? My eldest son feels left out he is the only boy left, and he wants a baby brother! How will I support a new child when I can barely afford the necessities? Now I have to worry about my other children!

The Mother tries to fix things for herself! She does not do anything drastic she just thinks!

Now what is happening my second daughter has Dyslexia! My oldest does not want to live with me (her stepmother) and her Father! My son feels alone still! My youngest daughter becomes needy and whiny! I must finish college! I need a stable income! My Husband needs to get more attention from me; I just can’t find the time! What can be done? Where do I go from here? I am just lost, stressed and I feel ugly! What should I do, who will help me? Am I doomed to feel this way for eternity?

The woman is stuck in her life and is struggling to find true North! She has not forgotten her son nor has she forgotten her Family but she did forget herself!