Grey Poem by Andrus Cassian

...And Sunday's what it took to prove
I have something else to lose...
Weeks, grey for weeks
the sky has become bleak
or just in my mind
I apologize for my nonsense
hear let me speak clearly
I have let go
let go of the tyrant who has held my mind hostage
let go of the tyrant who has held my heart hostage
for years
but in return
I stand up staring into the fireflies of rain drops
my own mystical abyss
looking for an answer in grey skies
to answer why in letting go
I don't feel a wave of relief
I feel a wave of grey
like I have no clue in what to do now
Should I shout to the heavens
I am now invincible again
my own personal curse to say bring me down one more time
or should I turn tail and run
to find a substitute to quell my conscious fears
I may never write beautifully again
Well I hate to say
maybe I transferred it a bit too late
well a bit too early
I found my place in a woman's eyes
in a woman's heart
I thought I may have found a home
to be told 'I love you'
but that was my first mistake
for I keep forgetting love can lie
look at the letters
for love can lie say it's love
but remove the L and E
and you can construct a better word to slay
say it's over today
And does life love to slay me
to have me attempt to transfer
transfer my emotionally rage
to emotional gain
to build myself a tower to lock myself in
and start over
to call a wrecking crew to knock that very tower to the ground
So what am I complaining about
Complaining is a strong word
I call it venting
but I'm just saying
I fallen short again
in weeks
days
simply yesterday
to be blown off
for 'bad things'
Wasn't it you who said you loved me?
Wasn't it you who said yes
when I asked if you would marry me?
I guess I might've asked emptily
for there is no ring
no encore
and no word from you
even after you promised
so here I am again
voicing my strife
to print off a retraction by tomorrow
or make my list of grievances
just a tad longer
Do I hate this
more than ever
Do I hate this
this is becoming a problem
but my grey is becoming darker and darker
What other color will I change
before I evaporate completely...
I once believed I had nothing else to lose
for I've lost my mind
for I've lost my heart
for I've lost trust
I've lost my ring
I've lost so many friends
I've lost my first love
and so many others that followed
I've lost all I can bear to lose...
and Sunday's what it took to prove
I have one thing left to lose...