Grantchester Poem by Paul Reed

Watch out, criminals, because you had better fear
Robson Green (or ‘Geordie' as he's known here)
With his long raincoat, a bit like Columbo's,
His cigarettes smoke twirling past his rather long nose;

Keating's his surname, bear it in mind with Rebus and Morse
He forms an unlikely duo (with Vicar Chambers, of course)
And his detective methods, being rather surly and gruff
Are complemented by the Vicar's more compassionate stuff;

Romantic interest is provided on the side
And Geordie begins a marital slide
By inserting himself between the sheets
With Margaret, his secretary, who increases his heartbeats;

Meanwhile the Vicar is also browsing the female pages
As he's been attracted to Amanda for ages
But now suspects her hubby to be back on the scene
Leaving him distraught and his hair oil bereft of sheen;

To these crime-fighting heroes this advice I would lob
Forget the women and concentrate on your job
Then, when they arrest the next murdering bloke
They could go to the Red Lion for a pint and a smoke.