Failings - Depression 23 Poem by Mark (Owen) Williams

My world has collapsed, my bridge has broken and I am falling.
Deep into a never ending chasm of loneliness, I cannot get out. I struggle so
hard but I cannot escape… my own mind.
I am afraid. The convulsion of all my pain rumbles through my stomach,
eating away at my broken body, eroding it like a toxic wind sweeping across
a barren dessert, killing the little of what still remains of my soul.

And then I cry. Barren and ugly, I cry.

Dark fear surrounds me. I reach out for help but there is nobody there.
My mind is a hammer striking unrepentantly, turning my body black, destroying my very being.
Why must my cupboards remain so bare? Why am I so undesired?
Desperate to feel joy, I seek acceptance from others to refill my empty cupboards.

My mind plays games with me. Taunting me. In a moment of deceit I pretend that I am beautiful. Oh how I long to live that lie… but no, reality turns her wicked head to face me… to remind me of my folly.
Trapped within my own mind, I am ugly once more and there is no escape…reality tightens her grip and I am crushed within her truth. Each squeeze reminds me of life’s futility and my doleful existence.
I am alone. I am alone.
Oh how I long for tranquillity and redemption, but no – all I have is my ugly and it follows me. Never stopping – it becomes a friend… and then a companion. A constant reminder of my failings, my ugly smiles each time I cry… rejoices each time I fall.
And then I drown… once more… in my own tears I drown.