Fade Away Poem by Shiloh Thompson

Thoughts crowding an already cluttered mind,
As sleep once more eludes the weary,
Bitter desperation once again surfacing,
Reminding me of carefully placed barbs,
Making all the scars bleed fresh again.

The darkness swoops in on my claustrophobia,
Forcing me down into the bed, smothering me,
The cruelty of your words echoing around,
Creating self doubt and hatred towards myself,
Fear wrapping its oily tendrils around my heart.

A princess with a heart of ice and granite,
Only thinking of herself and her own life,
Inflicting pain, but crying abuse when returned,
Smothering those she supposedly loves,
A closet abuser that deserved what she got.

Winding myself tighter in a cocoon of despair,
Caving under the pressure and the memories,
Risks taken getting nothing but rejection,
Breaking already fragile confidence and hope,
Scattering the remains to the four winds.

Seeds of self doubt flourishing in my lonely soul,
Self loathing peeking over the horizon again,
Followed by self mutilation and self inflicted pain,
Cultivated by a lack of confidence and hatred,
A weak mind succumbing to carefully placed poison.

Curled up once again in a pool of pain and tears,
Everything falling with my soul upon broken wings,
Felled from the sky with the weight of your words,
And in the whirl of confusion that follows,
I see a faint glimmer of hope slowly fading.

So I wrap myself tighter in my blankets,
Holding onto a pillow soaked in tears,
Releasing my fears to the sky and darkness,
Holding onto that fading glimmer of hope,
Shakily awaiting the dawn and a new day.