Eulogy Poem by Nancy A. Ruffin

Reflections of a life spent crouching corners,
dingy couches in smoky lounges
Searching for the next willing participant to play this game
To implant my seeds with no real regard to consequence
Severing ties in barren wombs
Terminating life
Never expecting you to blossom from unfertilized potential

Another addition on my black list of shame
No intentions to call, never even knew your name
Somber portraits of lovers past sing soliloquies
Into succulent black holes
For self fulfilling prophecies

Rewind

Crawl back in time
Into the uterine walls
Before aspirations were deceased
Never loving you
Because I didn't know how to love myself
Never knowing you
Because I was scared to know myself
Looking for me
In nameless faces
In shameful places
Unrequited love, is all you received

This is my attempt to write the wrong
To sew back the threads of life
That I took away from you
Tears line paper
Menacing memories leave me maimed
Palpitated heart loses rhythm
All I feel is shame

Forgive me Father for I have sinned
I have allowed foreign fingers to caress her skin
Allowed her to fall in love with useless men
Because I wasn't man enough to love her
Drunken words soaked in disappointment
Dilute a regretful heart
I am broken
I am the scar that she wears condescendingly
Reminding her that she will never heal
Reminding me that she will never feel
The love that only I could give her



Forgive me for running away from my responsibility
Forgive me for desecrating her virtue for my vanity
Forgive me for the painful memories of armor she now carries
To hide the wounded child searching for a father
Who never bothered to search for her
Forgive me for never loving her the way
A father should love a daughter
I will never rest in peace but
If you ever find it in your heart to forgive me
You can read my last words in my eulogy