Endless Tracks Poem by Anon Emous

I believe that poets have an obligation to write about everything in life and that includes the dark and somewhat taboo so long as the poetry has merit and quality. This is why I chose to write about a suicide. One of the more disturbing cultural myths is that we as a society, as family, and as friends should not talk about suicide. It shouldn't even be discussed because merely mentioning it might cause someone to consider suicide. This myth is particularly dangerous as one of the most effective ways to prevent a suicide is to talk about it and to help the person suffering find a way out.

This poem is written for a close friend, Mason, who committed suicide in 2012. He served his country in the military, attended church regularly, was a friend to everyone (including some who did not deserve his friendship) , and would give the shirt off his back for a stranger.

Mason was sexually abused throughout his childhood. I knew this.. we all did. He never breathed more than a few words about it and all we know for sure is that it lasted years, occurred almost daily, and that he felt guilty for it. In 2012, he confided to his wife that he had experienced (and repressed) an attraction for underage girls but that he would never harm anyone and he wanted to get help. I personally believe the trauma of his childhood had been repressed so long it was driving him to an extremely unhealthy mental state.

She reacted badly, called him a monster, notified his friends and family of his sickness (via a public Facebook post) , and separated a few weeks later.

He was devastated. He called me that night and thanked me for my friendship and sticking by him, admitted that he had struggled with these desires but that he would never put a child through what he went through and that I would understand what he meant in the morning. I remember thinking he was so incredibly calm and that he seemed almost peaceful.

He shot himself that night in a hotel.