City Night Fm Poem by Seán O Muiríosa
City Night Fm
The city’s sprawl enthrals my mind
A cloak or shawl of diamond light,
The jewels flickering, never-ending.
A developer’s mistake, government’s nightmare,
The spawner of the daily commutes
Beeping horn, the daily flare
Is tonight to me a signal, the vast city’s
On my wavelength as I search
For a familiar channel: an ex,
Potential lover, old friend
They are out there in the black air
The orange and yellow lightness of it.
Perhaps there’s a light that’s flickering
Its own uncertain signal, trawling through
Fuzz and mazes of noise, coming towards me?
The city’s a friend tonight on the search
For the meaning of blackness, the refuge
Of those incandescent blots in between;
Like a dream that sparkles but dims when the morning comes.
First off, the imagery was strong, which I immediately liked about this poem. The second stanza, starting with 'A developer's mistake' seemed out of place when I was reading. I'd recommend either building off of it (since it seems that every other stanza builds up around it, rather than with it) , or removing it all together. Also, the last line 'Like a dream that sparkles but dims when the morning comes.' is a powerful thought. Maybe incorporating it's theme with more strength throughout the piece might serve to make it even more meaningful, moreso than just a singular poignant ending. Anywho, hope that helps.
Could people please leave me CRITICAL feedback on this poem, i would very much appreciate it. In terms of form, imagery of theme how i can better this poem. Any thoughts... Thanks, Seán
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/26/2024 5:14:44 PM # 1.0.0.1119
hey Sean! I liked the poem very much, it flows quite well but I think Martin is right with the verse of 'a developers mistake'.. for me that bit loses some of the magic Apart from that your poem has strong images that lingered with me till the end. Well done! HBH