Sangnam Nam

Born Again - Poem by Sangnam Nam

Why! Nobody stops for me
I have to go to Denver
but none looks at me
That day I wanted to cut my life journey
to stop breathing altogether
how can i do this
let me first catch a car
that will take me to the city Denver
there I will think about how I will
conduct this important mission
to kill myself
wanted to completely disappear
from this planet
but didn't have the means nor
ways to do it
anyhow I have to catch a car
that goes to Denver.
Why Denver?
Because I have to go somewhere
to do this assignment
of getting rid of myself
totally and completely
but I haven't got the answer
to my lifelong lasting question
'where do we go after we die? '
Some say I will fall in hell
if I commit suicide
some say they don't know
I don't know either
but this wander-lust life
has to end and I need to be
at peace somewhere
but no one stops for me
to take me to where I want to go,
i look at the sun that goes behind
the horizon
it's getting dark and still
I got no one to give me a ride
but why not taking a bus or
My mind didn't work that way
at that particular time
I only had one in mind
to go and kill myself somewhere
no body knows
but my plan was not being carried out properly
I looked around for I began to be scared
the darkness was creeping up the street
and I saw a small church on the hillside
I began to walk to that direction
and found the church not locked so
I entered the church
when I entered the church
there was Jesus on the cross
in the sanctuary
bleeding quietly and without that
in mind I was going to take my life
somewhere in that evening
Then I heard a voice saying this to me
'Do you want to come home? '
I knew that was Jesus
asking me the question
I answered
that was it
no more of words were needed
I wanted to go home
that is my ultimate home where I will be going
after I die but
when I came out of the church
on the hillside
I saw a gas station
and a man a Mexican named Angel
who was so worried about me
asking where I was headed
where my family were
and why I was there at that late evening
so I simply asked him
if he could give me a ride to Denver
where I can find a friend there
He was willing to do that
but before
He needed to give a ride to a kid
to some place
so I rode in the Angel's car and
gave a ride to the kid
and then the Mexican took me
to Denver safely
so I could find my friend
who led me to Christ
'Just repent that you are a sinner.'
I felt for the first time
that I was a sinner
and wanted to repent truly
and ask forgiveness of my sins
and accept Christ into my heart,
that day I was born again
not because I had no courage
to commit suicide
but because Christ led me to that lady
to lead me to Him and make me His child
But what was the voice I heard in that church?
Was it really His voice or was it some
hallucination I still don't know
but I heard him say that
clearly and the voice was real
but was it really the voice of Christ?
'Don't forget the man who gave you ride
to Denver, I want to write about it.'
Hearing my story Scott said this to me
The Mexican man's name was coincidentally Angel
so an Angel took me to Christ in the end
after the conversation with Christ at that church
Scott wanted to accept Christ into his heart
five minutes after I started talking about salvation
'Would you accept Christ in your heart? '
'I will....'
'! ! ! Right now? '
'Wait until I finish with this smoking'
He was smoking a cigarette
and I waited some more minutes and he suggested
we go to a Catholic church where he attends
Sunday services and do that there
so I followed him and entered the Catholic church
that he mentioned, there again Jesus stood tall
in marble statue body and Scott knelt down
under the Christ's marble statue
and accepted Christ into his heart
that sweet child was so reverent about Jesus
and he was willing to kneel on the cold marble floor
of the church with his shorts on
his bare knees might have hurt somewhat
but he finished confessing his sinful self
saying 'Lord, I am a sinner and have lived
a life astray away from you, now I come to you and
ask you to forgive my sins
and come to my heart and save me.
Lead me and guide me through the eternity.'
after that his small figure looked a giant to me
when I saw the true confession was made.
A new born baby he was a born again in five minutes
what an accomplishment in his part and God's part
'Thank you! Thank you! I will never forget you.'
That was what Scott said to me I think he knew
he got saved truly and was forgiven truly
'I want to be a preacher.'
His aspiration was honorable
and this is how he could get to it a bit closer
and me leading people to Christ one by one
and doing a good job in doing that
still wonder where I will be placed
after I die
'Tonight you will be in paradise with me.'
Jesus said to the thief who was
crucified with him on the cross and who confessed
his sins on the cross before he died
'Just believe on Him and you will be saved.'
The Korean Christians told me this only to confuse me more
for I didn't know how to believe on the Lord
'Those who call me 'Lord, Lord' don't necessarily
enter heaven but the ones who do what I tell them to do
will go to heaven'
See.... this heaven and beliefs and sin things quite
bothered me a lot and made me to visit local churches
here and there in my freshmen year in college
listening to the sermons of different pastors
every week but still the answers were far from me
to give me the answer to this question
'Where do we go after we die? '
I have to know for my days are counted
and I might die today or tomorrow or the day after
nobody knows when we will be taken away from this life
and I want to know where we will go after we die
or as some say
disappear from the existing world completely?
What happens to the soul that survives the death
what happens to the body once buried and then
resurrected when Christ comes to us second time around?
Nobody has come back from the death and told
the story after the death
except Christ Himself who was dead
and buried and in three days he showed up
first to the ladies
Maria and mother and another assistance
and then to the disciples except Thomas
who said 'Unless I put my hand on His side
and put my finger through the hole of his pierced hand
I won't believe.'
But Jesus has not shown Himself His resurrected body
to me and I hear this friend of mine saying
she saw Him in her living room when she was
in the most stressful condition
not able to care for the baby of hers
not able to take care of herself well enough
He showed up to her and comforted her
but I also had Him talking to me in that church
asking if I wanted to come home the home
He was going to take me to,
so He showed Himself to me.
Yes, that was how I got to be saved and be born again
I wish He shows up more often
like the time when Scott was being born again
after, while I was giving him a hug to congratulate
on his salvation, I saw Jesus' marble eye winking at me
yes, I saw it with my two eyes
so strange He is that's how he let me know
He loves this Scott so much
and let me lead the child to Him.
OK, we all know Jesus loves us
but, the way he shows it to us is very
mysterious and also very cute.
Cute, you say about Christ?
Yes, cute after all
'He was a 33 year-old kid'
according to the aged Billy Graham
when he was referring to Jesus to the congregation
of 12,000 people at the Urbana convention in December of 1987,
it was a new view on Jesus
now that we are all old and gray talking about
Christ who was only 33 and took the world's sins
onto his body and died for all of us
bled and died at that young age
as a scapegoat to be sacrificed
to ransom our sins.

3: 13 pm
(February 11,2013) Korea-Japan Time

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Poem Edited: Monday, September 16, 2013

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