Bitter Queen Poem by Leah Ayliffe

A cold reminder came to me the other day,
It told me "you are on your own" and knocked me off the cloud I was daydreaming on, back down to my throne.
Though I used to always live in such a way.
God, how could I forget it's never just a phase.
As the dust settled in my thoughts I knew it to be true
I can't understand why I let myself rely on others, like you.
It's no ones fault, I am a fool to forget the truth I've known my whole life;
Loner drifting about, once upon a time in love with solitude.
Solitude.
It is you.
I became soft far longer than I typically do. I began to indulge in pretty things like I became the light in someones world.
Caught up in an idea that maybe I found something to believe in.
I gave it all away for free. Willingly.
No, you cannot hurt me.
They still think I am naïve and sweet,
I come across so damn angelic and weak.
That's how I dress myself up,
That's why they never expect much from me.
It gets to me sometimes, but
I stay quiet.
I am bitter and cold here in my mind
I feel nothing most of the time.
That's not true, but it's true today.
The different personalities that live inside fight in battle sometimes.
Today the bitter queen wins.
She says:

'I make you believe I am a fairy, out of control,
Lounging in the free river to wherever you want to go,
Yet I know.
If you don't think I know, you're crazy.
I know what I want, and where I want to be, far more than you can imagine existing in little old indecisive me.
I am fire, and I am wind.
I am everything you can't even begin to know.
But I wanted you to.
I wanted to believe in you seeing me.'

Oh my God, I am hard as stone today.
It's just I got used to being relaxed and carefree
Dreaming in the things to come
Which were at my feet begging so easily.
I loved you effortlessly
And ignorantly let go of the knowledge that I was out in the sea, loving the sky alone.

Little bird, thank you for the reminder like lightening to my melted heart, lava turned cold like rock.
I'm on my own, I am the only one.
I am the only one who can ever love me in all the ways it needs to be done.