GRANT FRASER

(JUNE 7 1964 / ABERDEEN)

belief system


I cannot get a hold
of a belief system,

my mind just decides
that anything might do?

I confess until
I do not,

assess what part
of it is I feel,
to be most strengthening,

yet I cannot get a hold
of time or pull it's ears,
return the gesture,
it ruffles my thought hair,

I cannot find a proper
rationale, to make
me feel that we owe
it to one another,
and to find something
quite different
or attest to something
unspoken as of yet,
and mutual...

I cannot live without
feeling that it is I who
cannot live properly,

and If I'm not alive yet, then
what am I, or where...
words turning back into air,

you say you do not believe
either, then how achieve
this world - every day,
one day stacked upon the next,

there's so many many pressures,
and you invite them in one by one,
what is the difference you ask,
find the right words,
and they turn their heads
like people I do not know,
others skite off the end
of my mind,
wordless - I am left to myself
with them, unkind meaning!

so I fight with them, yeah!
turn on my so called wordy friends,

you want a few new paintings, yeah?

I can paint them, sure,
but this is all I have, or what
you get,

an urge to drown
the man who stands
there, in my image,

who slips one arm
in at a time,

put's me on in eternity,

pulls the other arm,

walks you down a road
backwards,

yes some kind of fear
spreading like a contagion,
down into invisible
pockets inside the body,

there is nothing in the
world I need to own,

but thinking and meaning,
least harmful - or are they?

it must be real, then,
if is not,
then I need to empty
out all of this...

Submitted: Wednesday, May 28, 2014

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