Autobiographical Poem by Birutė Mar

to learn a variety of tricks
to wear a dress coat, a wig
deftly change makeup and masks
shoot (from an empty rifle)
handle a sword, a snub (picked from a pocket)
not to forget elocution
and its most simple aspects -
breathing, diction, elegance
form, relation

(that one day you come to realize
WHAT is all that? and not only that…)

to overcome all fears
traumas, illnesses - mania
for fame, depression, anxiety
nightmares, passing love
and without fail - eat and drink in moderation
to train not only body -
but also memory, ear, good taste
one after the other, to read
Nietzsche, Freud, Plato, the classics
("bicycles - invented long ago"
but not yet all the road)

to learn deep breathing
so as to fall asleep
not to forget yoga, silence, meditation
healing with sound, dance
to learn a variety -
minuets, waltzes, pas-de-deux
pirouettes, tango, ballet
striptease and more than that

to learn to stand in darkness
to be the last
to learn to wait

(until at last happiness will smile on you - one day
with all eyes on you to rise into a beam of light
and forgetting everything else, to pass across the thinnest rope,
eyes shut tight, becoming lighter, as if scaling
constellations, a string of fate, all of a sudden
having realized WHAT all that is
and not only…)

and so whatever happened
like a virtuoso, step out of it
coquettishly smile
elegantly bow
mysteriously keep silent
appear photogenic, but
look at everything philosophically

(all of a sudden having realized WHAT all that is, all of a sudden
my ears prick up, how better to listen, a quiver
tumbling, it takes flight, my tiny
acrobat - heart…)

Translated by J.C. Todd