After All... Poem by Mohamed Amer

I renounce you
You brought no mirth to my gardens
I sacrificed my life for your sake
And all what around me is fake
I held to your world in astray
Where I fall to your hell day by day
Where you told me these red flames are paradise
When you lead, I followed with blind eyes
Where you took me to the unknown
But you knew I was the forsaken one

Rejoice,
I have no choice
You no longer hear my voice

I am lost and forever I roam
Everywhere I go but still in my room
Yes I surrender
Cuz I was under your wing and you tore me apart
When I refused to heed, you killed the mercy in your heart
I feel sad, because both ways tell me I am lost
And this is what I tried the most
Goodbye to me, for you are hovering all around in my memories
Memories will never sleep, you make them weep
Death is not a solution, neither life
Awkward how I see you in the corners of my life
I miss that your were gone
Am I that easy, so you won't let go?
Or there is something you know?
And I am to blame for being so ignorant
Or may be your simply Arrogant
We talked enough, but never enough for you
No matter what lie you tell, in the end it's the truth
I loved you so much that I hate you more
I wish that you walk out that door
But you just made my life a room with endless mourn
Goodbye, for my farewell is meaningless
You are here nonetheless
Defy me again and I will smash your face
What face? I can no longer see
Or Hear
Or Feel
Oh, Yes I do feel

And wished that feelings lost in translation
Endlessly in hesitation
Meaningless are the definitions you make
Leave, And I will be broken for your sake
I shall not rise, I am not that strong
And your hymns are like bad songs
Lyrics written million years ago
When no one was there to judge
Now, all of these puppets, and my soul is an entertainment?
Hope I am providing your amusement
For the first time in my life I write on toilet paper
Because, throwing me in the trash doesn't mean you are my savior
Because I'm lost beyond my reach
And even if you bring me back I am down on my knees
I will not rise or I will not fall
Because in the void there is no motion
There is nothing but a body and soul
That breaths for your own goal
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart
Thank you for giving up on me
For bringing me all the way for my misery
And even if I die, suffering will reign my destiny
Thank you again and again
I miss the old days
When your promises where revealed
Where no wound to be healed
If I can ask you something, but I know you won't hear
So the question of what I want, dies with me
Like an old joke, told since the ages of Atlantis
And as much as no one lived in there
I was nowhere, an existence lost in presence
Then I lay back waiting for nothing
May be, nothing is better than your abjection
Because you win after all...