In front of you I smile, behind I sometimes cry,
To you I know the answers, to me I question why,
I act like I'm 'together'...this isn't always true,
You think that I am honest but I hide so much from you.
...
I won't pretend that I don't care because I care beyond belief
I won't pretend that I'm okay because I'm lost amidst the grief,
I won't pretend it's easy because it's hard to be alive,
I won't pretend it doesn't hurt...but you know what? ...I'll survive!
...
I know one day I'll make it and I know it won't be long,
I know one day you'll realise that you really got me wrong,
I'll hold my head up high for I know that you will see,
I am so much more than what this illness stole from me.
...
I'm sinking deep and I'm sinking fast,
I'm doing my best to swim,
This breath I take could be my last,
I'm losing the strength within.
...
I can see you talking but all I hear is noise,
You control the volume but I don't have a choice,
I'm caught up in this madness and you don't seem to see,
I feel like I am drowning out here in the sea.
...
In Front Of You
In front of you I smile, behind I sometimes cry,
To you I know the answers, to me I question why,
I act like I'm 'together'...this isn't always true,
You think that I am honest but I hide so much from you.
In front of you I'm strong, behind I'm often weak,
To you I have a voice but I don't know how to speak,
You think I stand up tall but I'm sitting on the ground,
I'm such a different person when there's no-one else around.
In front of you I'm happy, behind I'm sometimes sad,
You always see the good cause i hide from you the bad,
You wouldn't understand so I keep it all inside,
I may have lost my mind but I haven't lost my pride.
In front of you I'm certain, behind you I do doubt,
I often contemplate what my life is all about,
I often feel confused, how did I end up here,
Confidence you see cause I camouflage the fear.
In front you see successful, behind you I see fail,
I try to keep on fighting but sometimes to no avail,
Sometimes I feel disheartened but then I realise,
These things I tell myself are nothing more than lies.