You'Re Not Getting Any! Poem by Ramona Thompson

To my future husband there will be no sex until you.....


1. Place that wedding band on my finger

2. Tattoo Ramona Forever across your most private parts

3. Sign an agreement stating I get the kids if our marriage goes sour. You will get vistation rights but that's it.

4. Agree to take a lie detector test once every 3 months to prove that you are not cheating on me

5. Sign an agreement stating that I get half of everything you own if proof is found that you are cheating on me.

6. Sign an agreement stating that you will give up all drugs and drinking to live a 100 percent straight life just like me

7. You put me in your will leaving me everything as your one sole heir

8. You agree to watch only football game a year.....The Superbowl

9. You sign an agreement stating that if you gain more then 30 lbs during the course of our marriage I can leave you and take half of everything you own with me.

10. You agree that if I don't like your parents we only have to vist them once a year. My parents we will vist whenever I want rather you like them or not.