When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Wag Poem by Teedy Dawn

I've thought about my future and education's not for me,
Besides no one cares what shoes you wear unless you're on TV,
That studying - well it's just for losers,
Wags don't need degrees,
They just need lips and fake big t..s to strengthen their CVs.
I want to be followed on twitter and to wear lots of bling,
I want guest expo's on talent shows - even though I cannot sing.
I want to have public meltdowns and the press to hunt me down,
I want detox and so much Botox that my face won't let me frown.
I need a dog in a handbag and an implant in my bum,
I don't need a brain, just lots of champagne - and a tan that will never run.
I think I will live in Essex, if I can find it on the map.
I've heard it's fun, there's no hard work to be done and you're photographed by paps.
Yes, I have thought about my future and I know I'll make my way,
Because ‘basically'' babes', ‘everything's sic', so ‘shut up' ‘at the end of the day'.
No, I don't think being more cleverer will get me very far in life,
My only chance to advance is by being a footballer's wife.

(For those not familiar with the term Wag - it is a term used by the British tabloid press to collectively refer to the 'Wives And Girlfriends' of prominent football players) .