What Happened Today.. Poem by zainab khawaja

Im sitting in my classroom today,
My friends are laughing,
But the sound of their laughter never reaches my ear,
I try hard to pull myself out from the lone corner in my own thoughts,
But the harder i struggle the deeper i tread,

The erratic painful beat of my heart,
Gets louder as i feel i cant breathe at all,
I hold back all my tears so no one can see,
What is crushing me, going on inside me,
I rest my head against the wall,
And think of times of my fall,
I try hard, just not to cry,
As the teacher goes on with a lecture it seems to me,

Should i say it directly? a voice says,
Something just happened to me,
It could be we...
My tear falls,
The voice says, but love i wont be able to,
Could it still be we?
My heart flinches,
You still feel the same way?
This is for us..
And then just suddenly the voice leaves me,

Across a wall, that voice i guess speaks to another being,
The voice, which is just now alien to me,
I loved that perfect everything to me,
And now the space between us kills me,
Nothing can fill that space there,
Nothing can fill a heart thats empty,

My love was dealt with so unfairly,
I miss her, her voice, everything,
The way she smelt, the way she laughed,
The way she always made me feel,
I look back and its all hurt and pain,
I can never get over her angelic face,

I try now to stay away from her,
I dont want my feelings to show on my face,
It happened,
Its over. i remember, she said,
She doesnt want another one,

Hope she knew the intensity of my love,
But i had to give in just for the sake of my love,

My mind weeps at all the memories of a sad past,
My heart hurts when for her it still feels the untended love inside,
It never goes, it always stays inside,
Tears fall, I feel them on my arm,
The cuts i see, I hide them quickly,
I bend down pretending to pick my pencil that fell,
I wipe my tears, coming back to the classroom I left...