Weakness Poem by Joanne Kearsey

My body is broken beyond repair,
My mind wanders from the dark to the fog,
I don't know where I belong,
Do I stay here, or do I lose myself within this dark mist?

There are too many people here with no one to know what to do,
We cannot change what is going on if no one accepts defeat,
but egos are getting in the way of progress, and still, we are getting nowhere,
I can't keep doing this, I don't know how to keep myself complete.

I have kept trudging along just trying to get from one day to the next,
Without knowing if it is enough, but the bare minimum is all I can do,
I have always been fighting against people's expectations,
As I am afraid to lose what I have left of myself, I keep it tucked away from view.

What is it that I am afraid of?
The ghosts of my past that still clutch their piercing claws in me,
The anger, panic and pain take too much of a hold to let me move on,
The hate won't let me go, but it all has to go for me to be finally free.

It is not my body I have to take control of,
It is my mind that needs the chains broken and tossed aside,
The doubt is still there of how I am supposed to feel, act and speak,
This life isn't a once and done, I have to keep trying and be my own guide.
The darkness will always settle in and has become a lifelong f(r) iend,
I know I am where I need to be,
I have been through what I have to get me to the point I am today,
I know too much, I understand too much, the only thing I don't really know is me.

I've been living a life escaping from everything,
Thinking of ways to put a bullet to my head to silence the endless noise in my mind,
There are no quiet moments in my life at all, I can't give myself a moment to think or I'll break,
I said I would never be back here again, but the scars have opened up again leaving me blind.

But whilst I think of these things, I know I am too calm to do anything that my mind creates,
I don't run from my mind, I think of what it is I need to do to get through my own darkness,
I am too tired to keep running from it all, like everything else before this I will make it out alive,
I will wipe away the tears and show my scars proudly, they are not my weakness.

This will never be the end of me, my mind will never stop me, but only slow me down,
In one sense I am lucky to know my own mind so well, I know its secret little knocks,
I know which locks work to get myself free, and I know nothing will change if I don't make it,
But as always this is the first step I need before the road gets blocked.