Two Sides Poem by Hima chan

'Coz when things seem to be okay,
it's wen I find myself yet again at a loss.

I didn't know who I am,
and I admit I still don't know.
But when I look back at all those years
it does seem I've grown.

I've thought the world has only one face.
I was an optimist.
I dreamt; I sang; I laughed
carefree of what lay ahead of me.
I fell in love; I grew out of it quick.
I thought forever was solely mine.
My friends are by millions; my acquaintances by gazillions
even though I was so shy, it didn't stop me.
I was happy, I was free.
I thought the world revolved around me.
I thought it was mine.

And then, all of a sudden, the storm brew.
Snatched away my joys; it gave me my first taste of pain.
Grabbed my happy dreams away and replaced them with bitter tears
Dark nimbus clouds blocked my very sun
hope vanished and I was left with none.

Just when I thought I had my friends
they all disappeared and left me
slapped me for my insensitiveness
cursed me for my selfishness
and stabbed me for my wickedness.
He in particular left me standing naked in the rain
with nothing to shield me from the cold
left with only a heart of ice
and tears of blood
he made me realize
how good it still is to be alive.

But the sad truth is,
first pain doesn't necessary mean the last.
That was yet friendship's first thorn.
I had yet to experience love's.

Just when I thought I had someone
I saw the poignant distance between us.
Although I know I can reach him in some way
I can't reach him using the boat I want to use.
It pains me to see
how everyday he yearns for someone else
how he takes his every step in an attempt to reach her
and how he succeeds in everything he does
and how I had to let go.

And to think I am still confused
still so unsure of myself
for what everyone knows, I try to deny
and what they don't know, I resignedly admit.

I stand before myself in the mirror
and see the little innocent child
with her big brown eyes staring at me.
How I wish I could reach out and touch her
take her into my arms and become her
so naive and unknowingly aware
that life is but one big playground.

I ride on the seesaw
I go on the slide
I climb the monkey bars
and build castles in the sky.

Yet, I also land hard on my bottom
smarting in pain
I fall down the slide's ladder
or slide down it headfirst
I break my arms in trying to hold on
and almost always I fall
I get sand in my eyes
and get bitten by red ants.

I've learnt life's lesson the hard way
but this is just the first
there are more to come, that I'm sure
and to face them all on my own, alone.

Life is all about being yourself
being free to laugh in any way
being optimistic to see its rewards
being a child to enjoy its rides.
It is also being a sport.
to shoulder responsibilities when you need to
to admit the mistakes you've made
and to bear the full consequences.
It is all about being human
being a person who can give and share joy
being someone who can love with all his heart
being someone who cries without being ashamed.

Love and pain.
Life's two faces.
'Coz love is the pain of being alive.