We elephants have trunks
Our bodies are large; our movements are slow
But when we charge, no one can see us coming
We can take on anyone and anything in our way
We elephants have trunks
They’re useless organs on our bodies
Annoying, snake-like things that can only twist to reach
And not very much at that
They’re located right between our tusks
Our tusks are sharp and show many that we mean business
So many love us for our tusks and not our trunks
Our trunks are between our eyes and that’s annoying
Because we can only see so little of it at one time
It tends to disappear from our scope of vision
It tends to go to sleep
When we were babies our parents were happy with them
When we grew up we became happy with them
We showed them off without knowing really what they were
Or what they were for
Then a female came along and something changed
Our trunks didn’t seem to belong to us
And the more we tried to control them
The more they seemed to belong to them
Some asked their parents who said “Don’t worry about it”
Other parents said “That happened to me when I was your age”
Most parents said “You wouldn’t be around if it wasn’t for that”
So we said great news now we know what are trunks are for
So they’re ready to use anytime anywhere. Anyone?
Then we loved and hated our trunks
Most days they’re ours and of no use.
One day they’re not and still of no use
Makes us feel like chicken that hatched eggs before their time
Then one day the tribe gathered
And decided to create the trunk association
Because the females outnumbered the males
And though ready, there weren’t enough trunks to go around
So they decided to help us by making us trunkmatch.com
We were thrilled to finally find the female fit
But not all of them liked all the trunks
They first had to judge the tusks
So the shinier, the longer, the more pointed won the prize
That didn’t make the trunks any more useful than before
Anyway, I found one. Our pictures went on elephantbook
And honkhorn. Check us out.
Now that’s what trunks are for. OMG.
That is so so so good! When does it stop?
These trunks are really useful for something.
They do every trick. They even act like Pinocchio’s nose.
Well finally the days of a useless trunk are over.
But wait, now that I know what it’s for, why can’t I use it any more.
I have to stop! Let’s check the rules of elephants.
If female changes form, it is time to stop.
Then I remembered my parents “You wouldn’t be around if it wasn’t for that”
Well, I am around and now you tell me to stop.
I looked around and saw why all these elephants
Are just walking around staring at their trunks
That’s it? ! Just that one time around we make this discovery
Only to keep staring at it for the rest of our lives
Are there any younger females up for an offer?
They prefer them younger and freshly produced
Is there another female of the same age?
There will be a conflict with female you have
You means this one won’t use it and any other one can’t have it?
Are there any females who would have them at a price
Yeah but they’re shunned out of the tribe
The word is that they spread disease
So what do we do with them now?
We just keep them hanging around
It’s a funny thing how we celebrated
That we had them
Now in a twisted sort of fate we celebrate
That we still have them around
Like a dormant volcano
What would wake up the volcano
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