Too Posh To Fart Poem by Donna Saphier

My name is Ed
I'm cool and smart
I've got trapped wind
But I don't fart
I have to protect my perfect image
I knew I shouldn't of ate that spinach
My stomach isn't feeling right
I'm holding together my cheeks so tight
My bum is twitching all the time
I need to rid this wind of mine
I'll find some place to let it go
But where and when
I just don't know
It's coming slowly
It's sneaking out
I'm glad that there's no-one about
Now it's forcing it's way through
What am I supposed to do
I'm too smart and clean to fart
But from my body
It must depart
POW it blew right out of my Jack
It wasn't shy, it didn't hold back
It was really loud
I wanted to die
Never again will I eat spinach pie
I tried to run
To get away
From the big loud fart
That ruined my day.