This Braggart.... Poem by RIC BASTASA

they all thought
that my own love story
is another broken
one

stabbed at the back
or abandoned in an island
of sorrow

they thought that it
was all about
the first day of May
about a fallen
apple
bitten by a boy and
thrown on the floor
of a train

they thought that
i must have not really
moved on
and having to cure the
wound
i married another one
whose deep loneliness
is same as mine

they all thought i was
the kind of guy who loved
much and had not
recovered
all emptied and now
everything felt as though
i am an empty paper
bag
with nothing but
air and sighs
inside

no, i must say it here
clearly.
no, i was not that case.
i have not truly loved
her,

yes, i have loved myself
more and
i did not marry her
because it would be hurting
her more
maybe not that time
when she was confused
and felt that i fooled her
but it will be
a deadly hit
when the years go by
and i have not changed

this selfish braggart,
this introverted genius
whose concern
is only to aim for what
is higher and higher and
higher

and if i have loved
it was more of the trash
and the underneath.