The Shot (The Demons Dance Around The Sun) Poem by Katerina Val

I feel sorry
for hiding myself behind you
behind this cut
because for the demons that I feed inside, is not enough
another one second that I fell
they made it quickly once again
these little filthy freaks dragged me back to hell

If I could not breathe, it was not your fault
If I couldn't, cannot feel, you cannot call it failure of love
It is the sadness of baby cupid
it's sigh of sorrow
for should it decide to strike one
forgets to see that there is no goal
Not everyone in this galaxy, is born for love

As I was trying to run
there was a thing fading in the sun
I turned my eyes to see better for once
and full of the burns of hope and light and renaissance
I saw there was no sun
so I had to kill my enthusiasm
and hide my burns
since this burning melting thing called 'sun'
that looked and tasted like one, but only faking it
sunk in an euphemism
so I had to hide back my enthusiasm
and kill my heart
for it was not enough
if it was not the sun, it was could never be enough!

And demons laughed and played
created a circle around the sun
and in their conference they danced
they smiled and took my hand
that was enough
this one was enough
to start again
to run
to hide from us
to shoot the sun

Hate is not a thing my indifferent heart should feel
and love is not enough, it's still blur to see
I shiver for all the things I cannot breathe
plus all these terrified cracked smiles I refuse to see
hidden behind them, underneath my bed and today inside of me
the demons laugh on me
at least I recognize their company
and once again
I accept to breathe in hell
for me

My hurt darling, whisper at my ear
in your terrified cracked voice
that you want to see me bleed
that you don't want to see me seek
for me
for I am hidden behind the sun
and I'm almost there, almost burnt
yet rejected from death

Whisper close to my throat that you don't want me to breathe
as myself
but only to need
you
hold the demons and you too
push me quicker than they can, in hell

Ask to fold critique behind any single lie
those times you say you don't care enough to cry
abase my eyes each time I lie
bleeding for all these things that are fine
and stick out of the sun
shouldn't you love my lies?
They are the only grasp
that saves me
before I dive deeper in the gasp

They are the only tool I have
to bridge the gasp

Before the demons accuse me of not being enough
of not dying that much
of not killing properly my heart
do you want to take a shot?
For you, before death and all this stuff
I'd accept the fact
that you could take the last one shot

So shoot, shoot my love
and hide your doubts behind the things we never got

And for all those pains we could not have
I'll shoot the sun
shoot me when I'm done
when the demons will no longer have a sun
to dance around and burn the hurt

Try to shoot me once and at last
The exact second that the demons
will no longer keep my heart

Hurry
before the demons
decide to keep my keep my shiny shady heart.

Too late.
the demons already ate my heart.