The Metamorphosis Of Laura Into Liberality Poem by Keith Shorrocks Johnson

Then Herpes thus:
A nymph of late there was
Whose heav'nly form her fellows did surpass.
The pride and joy of far America's plains,
Belov'd by Murdochs, ador'd by Ailes:
Laura her name, by Republicans pursu'd,
As oft she did the lustful Gods delude:
Like Megyn clad, Megyn's lesser self she seems,
So tall, so streight, such well-proportion'd limbs:
The nicest eye did no distinction know,
But that the goddess bore unblemished brow:
Distinguish'd thus, the sight she cheated too.

Now while the lustful God, with speedy pace,
Just thought to strain her in a strict embrace,
He fill'd his lips with sores, new rising on the place.
And while he sighs, his ill success to find,
The tender limbs were parted for the wind;
And queefed a mournful air, unheard before;
That much surprizing rump, yet pleas'd him more.
Admiring this new musick, Thou, he said,
Who canst not be the partner of my bed,
At least shall be the confort of my mind:
And often, often to my lips be joyn'd.

Thus form'd the pustules, proportion'd as they were,
Unequal in their blain, yet wax'd with care,
They now besmirched the cheeks so former fair.
While Herpes mocked, her suitors stare
And Impatient to revenge her injur'd head,
She wreaks her anger on the blisters dread;
And Furies sting her from her native home;
To drive her gadding, round the world to roam:
Nor ceas'd her madness, and that all should know
Deep throats the co-hosts of her Fox News show.

Then Herpes spoke in publick, told it to her face;
Nor durst she vindicate the dire disgrace:
Even she, the bold, now sensible of wrong,
Restrain'd by shame, holding thus her cankered tongue.
To hear an open slander, is a curse:
But not to find an answer, is a worse.
Make some sure sign; and be you liberal shown,
To right my honour, and redeem your own
And then he plastered Zovirax liberally about
Her face and limbs and beg'd her to resolve the doubt
By kissing Hannity's erupted pimpled snout.