The Japanese Funeral Et Al English Poems Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Paupers' Graves
Plague pits were charnel houses
Cauldrons where hapless citizens
Too quickly dead and in such numbers
Were tipped unnamed unnumbered
Like human garbage to their lair

Concentration ovens converted
Jews to ash & leaden air
Today a phalanx of tourists tread each ghost
Trample the dust of the obliterated host

Paupers' graves continue to this day
Unwanted, overlooked, a cheap-price funeral
The corpse has lasted those who might
Have chosen to give a ritual farewell

In the war spots of the world
Where the dead outnumber the diggers horridly
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, therefore
It tolls for thee.

The Gnome Liberation Front
the Gnome Liberation Front
creep round people's gardens
kidnap thousands of gnomes
sent terrifying ransom notes,
‘liberate gnomes from their garden prisons'.

Murphy the gnome was pinched from a garden
He sent holiday snaps from 11 foreign countries

11 gnomes were found hanging by their necks
under a bridge in the city of Briey in 1998.
A note read: 'When you read these few words
we will no longer be part of your selfish world,
where we serve merely as pretty decoration.'

A man was arrested in Brittany
170 stolen gnomes were found in his garden.
When Geoffrey from Dorset was stolen, his owners said
‘All the wardens and neighbours are on gnome alert.'

A statement said 'Britons abduct gnomes
They force them to stand in gardens for no pay
Britain has committed many gnome rights violations
It continues to allow its citizens to enslave gnomes.'

The owner of the Gnome Reserve sanctuary in Devon,
Houses 2010 of them.
Gnome lovers, protect your garden
with hedges, holly and prickly bushes.
Take photos of all your gnomes for identification

Warning to houseowners
gnomes in your garden
will knock off the value of your house by £441
They have been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show
Since it began

The Menopause
Whales, rhesus monkeys, elephants, chimpanzees,
Like human females get the menopause
Chimps may experience dryness of the paws
A whale can get hot flushes, and be ratty
And monkeys have mood swings up in the trees


Groupies
a shrewdness of apes…a cauldron of bats
a sloth of bears: a sounder of boar
a clowder of cats…a chattering of chicks
a dule of doves…and here's some more
a charm of finches…a stand of flamingos
a skulk of foxes…of hawks, a kettle
a tower of giraffes…a troubling of goldfish
a trip of goats keep folk on their mettle

a down of hares… a thunder of hippos
a cackle of hyenas…of magpies, a tiding
a richness of lemurs… of nightingales, a watch
a romp of otters…in water, colliding

of pheasants, a bouquet…of raccoons, a gaze
a prickle of porcupines…a mischief of rats
of rattlesnakes, a rhumba…a shiver of sharks
an unkindness of ravens…a galaxy of stars

a stench of skunks…a knot of snakes
a scurry of squirrels…of vultures a venue
an ambush of tigers…a wisdom of wombats
a descent of woodpeckers…of pirates, a crew

Japanese funerals
Just after a death, or just before
Relatives moisten the lips of the dead or dying
With the water of the last moment

Japanese homes keep Buddhist altars,
Many also have Shinto shrines

After a death, the shrine is closed
Covered with white paper
Keeping out the impure spirits of the dead

A table set with flowers, incense, a candle
Is placed by the dead one's bed.

The eldest son contacts a temple, schedules the funeral.
The body is washed, the orifices blocked with cotton or gauze

An 'encoffining' ritual, a nokan may be performed,
Professional nokansha ritually dress and prepare the body
Place it in the coffin

The dead are dressed in a white kimono
Makeup may be applied.
The body is laid on dry ice in a casket

Items, such as
a pair of sandals,
six coins for crossing the River of Three Crossings
Are added to the coffin

Before reaching the afterlife,
The soul of the dead must cross the river
By one of three crossing points:
A bridge,
A ford,
Or by snake-infested waters
The weight of a soul's sins while alive
Determines which path to take.
The Riverbed of Death is another boundary
Here, the souls of children who died too early
Cross over to the next realm
Burnable items liked by the deceased
Are placed in the casket,
Then placed on an altar for the wake.

The body is placed with its head toward the north
As a second choice, toward the west.
In Buddhism, the western place
Is the western realm of Amida Buddha

Held as soon as possible after death,
A Japanese wake is held, called tsuya
'passing the night."
All funeral guests wear black.

Buddhists carry prayer beads at the wake
Guests offer condolence money to the host/hostess,
In special black-and-silver envelopes

The guests are seated, close relatives at the front.
The priest then chants a section from a sutra.

The family members will each offer incense
Three times to the urn containing the deceased.

The wake ends when the priest completes the sutra.
Each departing guest is given a gift,
To the value of half or one quarter
Of the condolence money they have already given

The closest kin keep vigil overnight
The funeral is held on the first day after the wake

Incense is offered. A priest chants a sutra
The dead one's given a new, a Buddhist, name
(Elaborate names come at a higher price)

At the end of the funeral
Flowers are placed in the casket
The coffin's nailed shut or by mourners using a stone
The hearse sets off towards the crematorium
The coffin is placed on a tray in the crematorium.
The family witnesses the sliding of the body
Into the cremation chamber.
They return when cremation's over.

Relatives pick out the bones from the ashes
They transfer them to the urn
Using large chopsticks, two relatives
Hold the same bone at the same time

The bones of the feet are picked up first,
The bones of the head are picked up last.

Sometimes ashes may be divided
Some ashes go to a family grave,
Some go to the temple
Or to a company grave
Or to a space burial

A typical grave is usually a family one
With a stone monument,
With a place for flowers, incense, and water
With a chamber or crypt beneath
To hold the ashes.

Some graves have a box for business cards,
Where friends and relatives visiting
Can leave a card,
Informing the family of the respects
The visitors have paid to the deceased.

A new service of Grave Apartments
Provides a locker-sized grave
Some of these may include a touch screen
Showing a picture of the deceased,
Messages, a family tree, and other information

Usually, after death, there are other memorial services
Most commonly held are the Buddhist service
On the 49th day, the urn containing the ashes is interred
The family stays in mourning until this.
A picture of the deceased is placed by the family altar in the house
After that, there is a memorial service
On the Obon festival in honour of the dead
The Obon festival remembers deceased ancestors.
(Their spirits return at this time to visit their kin) .
Paper lanterns are hung to guide the spirits
Obon dances are performed.

Savoury pancakes, octobus balls, chicken skewers
Sweet shaved rice and sweet dumplings are eaten

Animals made of cucumbers and eggplants
Are vehicles for ancestors returning home

The cucumber looks like a fast spirit horse
So that the ancestors can return home quickly

The eggplant is used as a spirit cow
It can carry many offerings
So the ancestors can come home slowly

Lanterns are lit and floated down the river


La Tomatina
How do you like your tomatoes?
Fried, casseroled, flung in the face?
Have you heard they're a known aphrodisiac?
And have even been fired into space?

Their name means plump thing with a navel
From the Aztec. They're red as a cherry
In salads and pastas they're luscious
They're the zing in a strong Bloody Mary

Rapunzel tomatoes are trailing
A blushing tomato is gold
A Cupid tomato is oval
And braveheart tomatoes are bold!
Tay Whale, Waterfront
Oh the noble fleet of whalers out sailing from Dundee,
Well manned by Scottish sailors to work them on the sea;
On the western ocean passage none with them can compare
For there's not a ship could make the trip as the Balena I declare.

The humpback whale's a sculpture, sits by the V&A
Tae celebrate the whalers, who braved the ocean spray
Their lives were harsh and dangerous, and many a man was drowned
Hunting the giant of the sea, for Greenland's waters bound


Penguin statues
The penguins by the Nethergate
Beside the Steeple Church
Have their own facebook page and fans
As down the street they march

They dress up for occasions,
Like festivals and fairs
The Dundee penguins on parade
Enjoying smiles and stares

Little Charlie Chaplins
Waddle in a row
Little Charlie Chaplins
Waiting for the snow

The Monkey (In ma fair toon)
The monkey fell out of his bunk,
And slid down the elephant's trunk.
The elephant sneezed - And fell on her knees,
And what became of the monkey;
Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey? (traditional)
On Dundee's information board
On the High Street's seen to rearrange the letters
Inspired by the old Lady Mary Fair
And an organ grinder with his little flunkey

The monkey fell out of his bunk,
And slid down the elephant's trunk.
The elephant sneezed - And fell on her knees,
And what became of the monkey;
Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey?