The Crowing Raven Poem by Andrus Cassian

Q, you; you cry, defy
call me a liar; open inside, simple design
I shout to the sky like a dying firefly
See the light flickering incessantly
a cosmic wave of energy mingling
an incomplete portrait, complete with hair absent face
yet gracing sudden pages are i's I dot with eyes
within 60 seconds of 60 minutes
while 24 hours in inconsistent 365 days that drag on
inside 12 months
while I'm trapped in an enclosing room
filled with desks, walls absent sunlight
but fluorescent white of a chalkboard
and a cold winter's wind
Here it is I sit, creating night on day themed paper
letting it be known stars shine during daylight
as I draw a line of strayed hearts
leading back to me so it can be heard
love still exists within me if only presently
for love is a fleeting breath without lungs
and what my lungs are producing is fleeting breath to ramble
What on earth am I saying
what point am I trying to get across
High school is over, that time is done
Two years from torture, one year from tragedy
I am home, rebuilding, smiling genuinely
Happy, I should be happy right?
ecstatic, excited,10 miles high in the air
I should be happy right
my 7 year mission has been accomplished, completed
my very wish come true
I should be happy right
elated, feeling nothing but positivity
I should feel happy right, happy, whatever that means
I haven't been happy in so long
I don't know what it means nor how it feels
my emotions are confused
my stomach gains a pit without competitors to fight within it
I'm a black hole without reason
without knowledge I start the day
with impeccability, invincibility, optimistic integrity
yet when the sun fades, my face sheds
wish I never existed, wish I...wish for sleep
but I dread sleep for the nightmares that persist
coming for my lost sanity, my bitter psyche
to leave me shaken in morning fright
Where does my fright lie
in permanent dreams I can't escape what kills me
that my love of games is what saves me daily
my sanctuary away from the world, take that away
and what am I
I don't even know
An inquiry I beg of you to answer
what is a crow, what is a raven
the difference, the similarities
They both take flight with twin midnight colored magic carpets
below a pair of beady eyes
do they contain malicious content or confusion
one bears a Halloween yellow as the other wears a terrible red
Jealous of them both, perhaps, but they despise me
they take the skies with flight I wish I possessed
but they envy me
for one has a master it has no knowledge of
just fury it can't control itself
as the other accompanied Poe as his voice gave way to dust
resting in peace he may
What of me, I stand tormented and internally conflicted
nothing about me is black and white, I'm blank
a canvas awaiting color, sky without clouds
Standing nowhere I step on what used to be water
expecting to drown
I stare to the sky expecting to be struck by lightening
as I shout to the sky
WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY
IS IT MY FAULT OR YOURS
WHO TAKES BLAME
if there's any blame at all
Then they arrive
the crow, Familiar, and the raven, Poe the 2nd
without hesitation, they come straight for me
fear of them pecking out my eyes
I close them. daring them to pierce my eyelids
shouting 'i'M NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY! '
only to hear my thoughts slip out
'What have I done so wrongly to deserve this'
...breathing in pollen and salt
I realize I've been holding my breath
with hesitation I open my eyes
to find I'm on a bench twixt Familiar and Poe
looking out on a blanket of snow
and before I could react
before the shock lifted from me
before fear and anger set in
in unison they both rang out
'You...you know...you were my favorite'