The Bear Poem by Sally Evans

I was flying to Australia
when I met this bear.
My wings had come loose
& I was trying to fix them back
but I didn't seem to have
the right spanner.

You've come a long way already, said the bear.
Those puncture repair kits
never work well in the heat.
Myself, I don't care much for travel.
I like to stay on my patch.
Oh you're from Callander, that's near Glasgow!
My family is originally from Bearsden.
He was quite pally by then.

Why not come to my lair?
It's quite near here.
I have everything ready
for an intimate dinner
and then we can consider
the passage to Australia.

Oh no! I thought,
I'm not exactly Goldilocks.
I should have been more careful
who I asked for help -
you never know with bears.
I should have looked for a brown one
or a black one
or a great big polar bear
or a little curly-haired one
not this barefaced bear.

Er, I'm on my way to
a civil partnership ceremony,
I said quickly.

All my friends are like that. I'm really, really gay.
How interesting, said the bear. I'm a cross dresser

And then he started reciting poetry:

I travelled among unknown bears
in bands beyond the sea...
nor Bearsden did I know till then
the loot I bore to thee.

Nobody heard him, the dead bear,
but still he lay growling,
I was not so far out as you thought,
and not walking but prowling...

Do not go grizzly into that good night,
old bears should grunt and curl at close of day...

Never seek to tell thy cub,
cub that never told will be....

Two bears diverged in a narrow wood...

A bear's a bear for aa' that...

Having met a few poets, I kept him talking.
Poetry is great for changing the subject.
It turned out, it was only poetry
that made his life bearable.
I had found his Achilles heel.

Thus poetry made nothing happen.
We parted amicably
and now we are facebook friends,
with Scramble and Twitter
and Brutish English,
I have no desire
to meet him again
in meat-space.