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michael oliver

Rookie - 95 Points (13-4-1948 / swansea)

Something About Dawn


Out there sky unfurls into daytime
Recalls a sunrise of youths first touching
As abstraction whorled into a sensation presented
A dawn on fire with its proof

Air orange with the flags burnished ascendance
The night wept tears kissing the mist
As cattle continued grazing on familiarity
While, golden, Asavins leap from the page

The sun heraldic, tips the poised balance
Sheet of waking shone across the stillness
The land open - its bird song arms
Embrace - the union promised by day's temptation

Submitted: Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, November 19, 2013

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  • Rookie Judy Meibach (11/14/2013 10:36:00 PM)

    I like this piece a lot - you use some original metaphors which enhance the imagery of the poem - you kept each stanza to 4 lines, maintaining a certain rhythm that is wonderful (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 222 Points Marie Shine (10/26/2013 4:44:00 AM)

    The title of this poem drew me in to read it! Dawn is so special, significant, meaningful for a human being on many different levels. I like the personification, alliteration and the stunning visual detail within the lines of this excellently inked metaphoric gem. Thank you for sharing... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Judy Meibach (9/30/2013 5:09:00 AM)

    I really liked this piece = I liked your word usage - your personification of the sun was outstanding (Report) Reply

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