- Saucy Chef: : Humour Poem by Alessandra Liverani

Let's get these plates out there, I said to the staff
We'll get this party of 45 fed, then I heard a remark
A stripper's coming tonight, 'A stripper' I smiled
Don't get too excited, Jesse, he's not your style

Disappointed, I went back to provisioning guests
Finally we got the lot of ‘em fed and sat back for a rest
Then the boss came up to me, flustered, with a very sad face
The stripper was too shy to strip to his jocks in a public place

The maid of honour's distraught and the hen’s most upset
They're all going nuts, can you do it instead
Oh no I can't strip, I can barely dance
Of course you can, just give yourself a chance

With all eyes on me, I gave it some consideration
My boss urged me on, the girls will show their appreciation
OK, I conceded and they followed me down to the bar
This would be the best laugh they’d ever had, by far

Lady Gaga’s song “Just Dance” started playing
Although shaking, I heard myself saying
“Are you ready for a show? ”, not knowing what I’d do next
The girls’ glum mood lifted instantly, then they all begged

“Take it off, take it off” as my heart pounded so loud
My foot started tapping, I’d play up to this crowd
Leapt onto the table as adrenaline surged through my veins
Swayed my hips and backside, I had found my domain

In stripping mood, I seductively unbuttoned my chef’s jacket
Heaven knows why these hens were making such a racket
I flung it into the crazed crowd, and started slowly unzipping
My pants, which I threw to the hen, she was tripping

Up and down I paraded in my undies and socks
Then strutted up to the hen, sizzling hot
I struck a sexy pose as the lights came back
The hens riotously cheering, they were rapt

You saved the night, declared bride-to-be Louise
No dramas, I replied, only glad I could please
And best of all after having averted all their bitchin’
I dIdn’t have to help with cleaning up the kitchen!

(Sydney, Australia - 2009)