Rexcuse Me For My Insensitivity Poem by Barry A. Lanier

Dead as a duck, how long dead is Dead as a duck? Such a
common phrase I thought. How many moons ago was that?
But my use of the words 'dead as a duck' and 'how many
moons ago' offend my grandmother, with raised eyebrows,
mumbling I should stop speaking like a moron. I thought
morons could not speak, but then again, I was very young.
And then again I was speaking of the man down at the
funeral home killed in an accident. You'd of thought I was
talking about granny. And she was so upset I had went to
school and told all my friends grandpa was murdering crows
in the yard, but I heard him say many times, there's a murder
of crows in the yard. By the Grace of God, I should kill you..
Yes, I was alive by the Grace of God. It sounded so lovely,
so pristine. Grace that beautiful thing, so divine, well, God was
God, but then the dish flew against the wall, and the book glided
toward the window like a jaybird. You know how a jaybird gets
into the house and flies again and again into the windows?
What could I have possibly said? So I went into my room and
practiced saying the words with different tones and inflection.
Maybe that's it, 'murderin the crows, dead as a duck, many
moons ago'. I'll try again tomorrow.