Not Waving But Drowning Poem by Payyton Egerstaffer

I see this in the glistening of her eyes
As she stares at me, mesmerized.

I see the disappointment,
it's plastered on her face.
In the icy stiffness
of what used to be a comforting embrace.

I know she's trying
to push past the thoughts in her head
About how she used to have happiness
but now has me instead.

She's wondering what she did
to deserve this mess.
How could her own daughter be the one
drowning her in sadness?

I realize,
as through her heart the pain sears,
That I'm the only reason
for her tears.

I know that she still loves me,
even if only out of obligation
But I'll cling to this strand of hope
out of pure desperation.


You please must understand
That none of this was planned.

Never did I intentionally
want to hurt you
I'm shattering your joy, your life
but know it's not something I purposefully do.

All the damage I've caused,
I can finally see
Just know
when you read this apology
That straight out my heart, this is from.
I'm sorry, mom.